The Diary of Murphy McPearson, aged 4 and seven eighths.

Top secret. Do not open. Prepare to be SHOCKED if you do.

This is where I write what I've been up to on a day-to-day basis. I'm going to write something EVERY DAY. (Unless I forget.) (Or unless it's been really boring and I've got fed up.) (Which is more often than you'd think!) (Don't tell my Mum. She thinks I'll write NOTHING for absolutely ages, then grudgingly write a single entry, of no interest to anyone, at all, ever.)

New entry-ish

Day 1 (definitely know that this was 31 Dec 1999)

How could I forget it? The end of the millennium, the start of the millennium or something. (Actually, I heard a lot of humans quibbling about what it was and that it should be a year later. What's the matter with humans eh? Every dog knows that we're celebrating the day that the date changes from 1999 to 2000! - of course!) Anyway, where was I. Oh yes. The fireworks went off all night. I was so scared I started shaking all over (reminds me, must write a pop record sometime) and jumped up onto Granny's knee. Wouldn't get off till morning. She'll remember the millennium too.


Day 2 (sometime in human February 2001 I think)

Floods and more floods. Went swimming - yes deliberately this time. Got a bit stuck in the fast current. My Mum got worried and came in to save me. Finally got out of the water and was very careful not to shake myself all over my Mum. Yer don't soak the hand that saved yer, do yer now?

Day 3 (think it's March 2001 in human time)

Got locked in the computer room. No, accidentally. There's this door that swings closed behind you. Then you can't open it to get out. It's happened before. I never remember. I suppose that's why I'm a dog and not a Noble prizewinner. Was I glad to get out. I heard the characteristic Murphy-where-are-you-come-here whistle. Couldn't respond in my usual Never-Respond-First-Time way. Trouble was, I couldn't respond at the usual fourth time of asking either, could I? Eventually they found me so I had to jump up and down and lick their faces and twirl round and round for absolutely ages. Couldn't help it.


Day 4 (human March 2001, 24th)

It's my Dad's birthday today! He's getting quite old now, I think. Well he didn't look quite with-it this morning anyway. He's obviously intending to have a quiet, restful day. So no change there then. He's on the phone even as I write - somebody congratulating him no doubt. Again. Must fall asleep slumped over his feet! Actually, as it's his birthday, I think I'll let him make me toast and marmite. That should set him up nicely for the day!

Day 5 (sometime in human April 2001)

Well, survived April Fool's Day without being Caught. Otherwise nothing's happening. Absolute pain about foot & mouth - can't go anywhere, can't do anything, huge reserves of energy, nowhere to put it. Rain and wind (must be the baked beans I stole). So this is April - vaguely remember it last year when Sprocket said 'Wanna see my photos?'. And I said 'Yeah alright'. And he said 'Ain't got none - April Fool'. And I said 'What you've just said means you HAVE got some'. And he looked vacant again. 

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Day 6 (later that month)

Had a poorly tummy. And been sick (as a dog). Seemed to get better then got worse again. 'aven't felt so rotten since, er, yesterday. Had to get my dad up in the night to take me out for a u-no-wot. Then felt better. which is more than he did. Anyway, my mum came back tonight with a present from granny - a little woolly rabbit with a CHOCOLATE Easter egg inside. Quite thrilled at the prospect so you can see I'm feeling better already.

Day 7 (early May 2001)

Surprised the old grandparents by appearing unannounced on their front doorstep (with some help from mum and dad - oh alright - and their car). Slept in a tent in their garden. Got a bit cold so snuggled down next to mum in her sleeping bag - no she were in it - I were banished to the outside. Couldn't get to sleep for the excitement and all the new noises and smells. Dad asks me to clarify that last bit - nothing to do with him, or his feet, at all. Then they took me to Westonbirt again. But for some inexplicable reason I couldn't go in without a lead. I ask yer. Can't pick up Foot & Mouth anywhere else 'cos it's all closed. And mum and dad didn't have to be on a lead, did they? Where's the sense in all that then? Anyway, had a good time at South Cerney instead. Honestly, what have I done to deserve all this pleasure? Search me. Must be trying harder. Or maybe it's the way I love 'em both to bits. (Oh, more photos in my photo album.)

Day 8 (late May 2001)

Just had my breakfast so it's time to go upstairs and lie down. Got a bit of the old pharyngitis and there are TABLETS to take. Even tho' I don't mind the odd tablet or two, I've found if you spit 'em out, they give 'em you again but this time with a bit of yoghurt on. Great wheeze eh? If you get fed up of one flavour, start spitting 'em out again and you get to try another!! My current all-time favourite (for now) is Bio strawberry yoghurt with wholegrains. Then I'll sample the apricot 'n mango, the cranberry 'n apple, and finally culminate (?) in the CHOCOLATE 'n CHOCOLATE (with added chocolate chips). It's a dog's life in the regular McPearsons.  

Day 9 (June 2001)

Lots of activity at home involving suitcases and my basket, toys, food and poo bags going into the car gets me wondering .. suspicious even. Sure enough it were into the car and up to Uley again. Told, yer. I know it every time. They're  off on holiday leaving me to  ... er ... go off on holiday I suppose. Anyway, had another good time chasing around the garden and generally dominating the lives of the innocent grandparents. What? Well look at it this way; if I don't put my face right next to theirs and stare directly into their eyes for fifteen minutes, without blinking, how are they going to know I want to go out? Eh? Don't care if it is 12 midnight (or 5am even).


Day 10 (later in June 2001)

Permission to make certain improvements to my garden in Uley was requested, so I had to give permission - you feel sorry for them in the end. So I let them encroach on my grass toilet (they call it lawn for some reason) and also put up a nice seat for me at the top corner of the garden, away from it all. Suppose I should be a bit grateful, but all they kept saying was 'get out from under the feet, will ya'. Mixed feelings about that I have. You can see photos in my photoalbum.

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Day 11 (even later in June 2001)

They're starting to mutter that I smell of Dog. What do they expect me to smell of, broken glass? I think I might be ready to go home.


Day 12 (must be August 2001, it's raining)

Went home, then been to Uley again!! Honestly, they can't keep me away these days. Mum's got a new car too. Much more room for me in the back, and power steering (whatever that is - think you might be able to eat it?) for her in the front. Really, they do go to a lot of trouble just for me. But I'm worth it.


Day 13 (unlucky for some)

They had a barbecue next door (they call it BBQ but I think it should be BBC) and mum had to take her washing in 'cos of the smoke. I told her, I said, lean a bit harder on the fabric conditioner and instead of you 'aving smoky washing, they'll 'ave soft sausages with bounce! 


Day 14 (think it might be October 2001)

Had the visitors again - the ones with the little girl. Nearly said baby but a baby couldn't pester me like this one does. Prodding and poking I can stand. But climbing into my basket and going to sleep was the last straw. Just had to find somewhere to get away from it and try to forget. Well I never, ever have a shower voluntarily. But you know what? Found myself willingly getting into the shower with my mum and getting totally soaked. Well it takes yer mind off it, don't it?


Day 15 (gotta be December 2001 judging by the size of it ...)

Am I imagining things or is my Mum getting bigger? Round the waist area I mean. No, can't be, it just doesn't happen. Well, never noticed it before anyway. But every time I dismiss the possibility as completely absurd and couldn't happen to a human, she turns sideways! Honestly, could knock a nearby dog off its balance. She's started frantic tidying and completely redecorating the house too. Heard Granny mention 'the nesting instinct' but I know it can't be that 'cos only birds do it (oh, and custard). So, all in all, a bit of a puzzle really.

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Day 16 (17 February 2002 - indelibly printed on the old memory..)

Well, it's happened. I half expected something you know. Mum getting bigger and bigger, while space in house getting smaller and smaller. Thought something was up when she disappeared for a few days and I had to go and look after Liam. Honestly, a dog's work's never done. So anyway, Mum came home and gave me a really good cuddle. Then Dad came in carrying the shopping, but in a funny basket. I had to go and 'ave a look, didn't I? First thing that struck me was the smell. Never 'ad shopping like that before. Then it moved. Even Wafcol don't do that! Then it made fairly acceptable, but potentially 'orrible noises. Quick as a flash, I realized that it weren't shopping at all! It were a new toy! Called sister or summat. Do yer think I'm gonna get me nose pushed out? It's a worry innit. I'll let yer know.


Day 17 (16 April 2002)

Given it a few weeks - don't want to come to any snap judgements, us dogs. Well, it's a bit of a strain, I can tell yer. Both Mum and Dad walking around like zombies. They choose their moments, don't they. Fancy going all out for the "who can stay awake longest" record when there's a baby to look after. Yer'd think they'd be more responsible and get some proper sleep. So anyway, I've decided to take advantage. I heard them decide that they mustn't say 'No' to me if it's anything associated with the You-Know-What. Apparently they don't want me to get the idea that the 'YKW' comes first ie. ahead of ME. Now that's what I call kind. Let me hear yer say 'Aah'. So, as long as the YKW's around, it looks like I can get away with anything. So every nappy does have a silver liner, after all!


Day 18 (12 February 2003)

OK, I know, I know, yer don't 'ave ter tell me. Well I've been so busy. What with moving house, fitting a new kitchen and avoiding the small human thing. By the way, the thing's got wheels now. Charges around the house in this - well - it's a sort of frame thing on castors. Gets me into a corner where I'm forced to look as though I'm not absolutely terrified. Plays havoc with the old dignity. Heard my mum calling it Davros but I'm none the wiser. Still, got a nice garden now, and lots of running hard along the beach. Oh and swimming in the sea. Brilliant innit? 



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